To be alive, or not to be alive? That is the oh so important question
by Boredandalone
Summary: Probably a dark fic. Mainly ramblings, really hard to follow. I personally, wouldn't read it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hermione's POV:**

_I need to stop this. This rambling... I need everything to shut down for a second. Just a second of piece and quiet... I need to get out of my head_

"And your new head girl, Hermione Granger" _I hear a snigger in the room, Slytherin table of course. Everybody expected it though, I can't blame them. I try in school. It's my safe haven. Not like home..._

"Hermione, go up" Ron urges, and I do as he says. _I stand up, a fake grin plastered on my face, nobody can see that I'm not really happy. That I'm slowly dying on the inside. Well, they can... And he doesn't even fucking like you... _"Well deserved miss Granger" Snape smiles, and I thank him and take my badge. Standing at the front of the hall, all of those people staring back at me. I don't just see them though, I see those who died in this hall. Still fighting, fighting for the life that was stolen from them by a fucking psychopath.

People over-use that term. I remember once, Lavender screamed at Draco that he's a psychopath. But he's not. Empathy is the key, and though he has little, he still has. He's not a psychopath. He still cares.

"And head boy..." _I wonder if we're all going to be surprised here... "Draco Malfoy" _"Harry Potter" _But of course not, I smirk to myself. And I continue with my fake smile, and I see Harry with his. He's been practising. _

_I don't want to feel this way, you have to believe me. I so long to be the happy little survivor, but I'm not. No matter how hard I try to be that person, I just can't. And please believe me when I say this, I so long to be happy. I honestly do. And so I'll add that onto my list of can't's. Because right now, it's doubtful that I'll ever be happy._

"You've been practising" I smile to Harry, and he smiles back, a genuine smile. This puzzles me. "That though..." Harry raises an eyebrow and shrugs. We bow and we walk back to our seats showing off our badges as we're expected. We go to sit back on the bench, as expected, but i freeze. "Distraction" i frown as I tug on Harry's robe. He oblidges as I fall to the ground, fireworks erupt in the room, stealing the attention.

_They're fighting. On my bench, they're fighting. No-They're fucking killing each other. On my bench. _"Hermione come on! We have to go" _"Help me, please help me" He's going to kill her. He's going to kill my mother. And I'm not even there. I'm not fucking there, and she's going to die. She's going to die again, "Somebody! Please help me" She's going to die. _"Hermione now!" I hear, but I can't concentrate, I need to get out of my head.

_I NEED TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD._


	2. Chapter 2

**Harry's POV**

_I need to get her out of here. I need to get her out of here! _Hermione's sat on the floor, hugging her knees, tears streaming down her face. I try to get her attention, but I prove to be unsuccessful. More fireworks erupt above my head, they're zooming round the room. Making sure to scare the hell out of everybody. People are rushing out of the room, I pull Hermione up, carrying her out of the room, but she's hitting me. "I need to save her. I need to save my mum, Harry, I need to save her. He's going to kill her. Harry PLEASE!" She pleads, and I turn back. _It's all in her head_. I pull her away from the hall, and into our common room. She's a ball on the floor crying, and I know how she feels.

I rush around the room, moving all sharp objects before she has a chance to see them. Only a few minutes until she watches her die. AGAIN. _It'll never go away. You can't save her. Leave her, a squabbling mess on the floor. She's disgusting, crying._ "NO! Stop, this is her moment. You're fucking twisted Harry" I say to myself as I run around the room. _Kitchen. There's a fucking kitchen?! _

Her screaming has stopped. Her crying hasn't though. She needs me. _She doesn't need you. Nobody needs you, worthless piece of shit. _"Will you shut up?" I say to myself silently. I sit beside her, and wrap my arms around her. She struggles and tries to push them off, shouting in my face, "I LET HER DIE! I COULDN'T STOP HIM" She screams before collapsing into my arms, crying still.

* * *

><p>Hermione smiled as I stole another memory, placing it in a vial and storing it, "That tickles" she grins and I smile, as I put my wand to her temple again. Stealing another memory. <em>"Show a bad one" <em>Hermione starts screaming as i steal memories in chain, I can't stop, it's like i'm possessed, and she's crying and screaming. And I can't stop. Until she falls to the floor. I hurt her. I hurt Hermione.

"What happened?" I ask nervously as she wakes up, "memories were resurfaced insuppose... memories that had been blocked out a long time ago". She starts to cry silently, I pull her close to me, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, it was an accident"

* * *

><p>"You couldn't stop him you know?" I say quietly as Hermione cries into my shoulder, "he was a dick. An abusive jackass, I wish I'd known magic then. I would have killed him" I nod, knowing that was the response she wanted. "I can't believe I'd forgotten... war does strange things Harry"<p> 


End file.
